Dear friends, world and blogging buddies I need some input. First, I’m not sure if my dilemma is a type of blogging disorder or it’s just my mental instability. The problem is that I’ve basically stopped reading or commenting on blogs. I do spend time at Blog Explosion and Blogmad but I rarely comment on others blogs. I went through a similar difficulty such as this awhile back but this time around I feel so detached from everyone.
There are so many wonderful…really wonderful and inspiring blogs that I used to read and enjoy but now I get panicky at the mere thought of eyeing my list of bookmarked blogs. I read your comments on my blog and I hang on every word but I’m so ashamed that I don’t reciprocate. Also, I have no trouble with thinking of things to write about on my own blog but I don’t because I’m afraid that more people will comment and think I’m disrespectful for not reading their blogs in return.
Maybe I’m falling deeper into my madness or maybe my energy is waning, what ever. Please know that I’m deeply sorry for my lack of attention. I read your words to me and I’m in awe of the love and loyalty you show me, I feel so undeserving. I think about each and every one of you and you are always in my prayers but I can’t seem to communicate. At times I feel like such a failure, who am I kidding almost all the time I feel like a complete failure.
If it helps, know that I am fighting, desperately fighting to be a better person (saner too). One day, maybe I’ll be worthy of the love and kindness that has been extended to me.
I also have another problem infecting my thoughts. A few days ago, I happened upon a blog that simply put me into a tailspin. There were several pictures of a woman and a small cat. Loving animals the way I do I casually turned my attention to the pictures. At first, the intent of the unfolding story didn’t hit me. By the last snapshot I was so horrified I have been unable to speak for days. I was and still am a bit in shock. Frame by frame leads up to a woman stepping on a cats head crushing it to death along with her very high heel plunging into the poor cat’s eye. I’m praying this was a sick sadistic joke made with computer magic and the pictures were fakes. But, the pictures looked incredibly real and I actually vomited. And yes, I know I’m ultra sensitive but sheesh, there are three things that are very sacred to me and must be kept safe: children, the elderly and animals.
That’s it for me tonight folks. I’m still upset and need to find something beautiful and positive to replace the evil that has stained my mind.