Speechless
Dear friends, world and blogging buddies I need some input. First, I’m not sure if my dilemma is a type of blogging disorder or it’s just my mental instability. The problem is that I’ve basically stopped reading or commenting on blogs. I do spend time at Blog Explosion and Blogmad but I rarely comment on others blogs. I went through a similar difficulty such as this awhile back but this time around I feel so detached from everyone.
There are so many wonderful…really wonderful and inspiring blogs that I used to read and enjoy but now I get panicky at the mere thought of eyeing my list of bookmarked blogs. I read your comments on my blog and I hang on every word but I’m so ashamed that I don’t reciprocate. Also, I have no trouble with thinking of things to write about on my own blog but I don’t because I’m afraid that more people will comment and think I’m disrespectful for not reading their blogs in return.
Maybe I’m falling deeper into my madness or maybe my energy is waning, what ever. Please know that I’m deeply sorry for my lack of attention. I read your words to me and I’m in awe of the love and loyalty you show me, I feel so undeserving. I think about each and every one of you and you are always in my prayers but I can’t seem to communicate. At times I feel like such a failure, who am I kidding almost all the time I feel like a complete failure.
If it helps, know that I am fighting, desperately fighting to be a better person (saner too). One day, maybe I’ll be worthy of the love and kindness that has been extended to me.
I also have another problem infecting my thoughts. A few days ago, I happened upon a blog that simply put me into a tailspin. There were several pictures of a woman and a small cat. Loving animals the way I do I casually turned my attention to the pictures. At first, the intent of the unfolding story didn’t hit me. By the last snapshot I was so horrified I have been unable to speak for days. I was and still am a bit in shock. Frame by frame leads up to a woman stepping on a cats head crushing it to death along with her very high heel plunging into the poor cat’s eye. I’m praying this was a sick sadistic joke made with computer magic and the pictures were fakes. But, the pictures looked incredibly real and I actually vomited. And yes, I know I’m ultra sensitive but sheesh, there are three things that are very sacred to me and must be kept safe: children, the elderly and animals.
That’s it for me tonight folks. I’m still upset and need to find something beautiful and positive to replace the evil that has stained my mind.
posted by Maryrose @ 9:51 PM
10 Comments:
I don't think there is any reason for you to apologize. If you don't have what you need, then you don't have it! There is a reason for everything that only God knows and He will give what you need when it's needed:-)
Just leave us a little word here now and then, so we know you are allright, if you will???
Remembering you in my prayers!
Luv ya, girl.
God's Grace.
Don't worry, Maryrose! We know you're here and that you're struggling. You should never feel like you have to comment on weblogs. Do what you feel like doing and let the rest of it go :)
Hey,
I was just surfing through on BlogExplosion, and thought I'd take a break to tack a comment, here.
I've been musing over my own general blog-malaise, myself. I'm currently enrolled in an MFA - Writing program, and I like to use my own blog to vent my random blather--that way, my unfocused, generic philosophicationizing doesn't spill over into my "real" writing.
Part of my program includes a "Teaching Composition" workshop. This course is theory-heavy rather than practical, but one idea I've mulled over is this: unspoken thoughts are nothing more than chaos. You need to speak (write) before you can recognize what's happening inside your cranium.
Anyway, blogs are a great opportunity for you to force yourself to give your thoughts a fighting chance.
That's all--intriguing post.
Taboo
Taboo Tenente: A Thinker's MFA Journey
Its ok, we all do it sometimes.
don't worry about that too much. i don't always know what to write and i personally think that sometimes i write senseless posts. but that's alright. it's your blog and you can write whatever. and i agree with corry. leave us a note every now and then so we know that you're doing fine. it's okay, girl.
Not to make light of your situation, but I'm going through a similar situation, although mine is resulting in a separation from my wife and kids.
I'll tell you what everyone's been telling me: hang in there, don't focus on the negative, and think about what needs to change, and do it.
We all have seasons and that is what makes the blogging world dynamic. I don't think anyone should write/post with the sole purpose of response and accolades...
Does that lighten the load of responsibility to be a dedicated consistant poster?
I, too, go through times when I don't feel like posting and/or commenting. I think this is pretty common in the blog world.
I saw those photos of the kitten on that blog, too, and it made me ill as well. I wish there had been some kind of warning or something. I had wanted to leave a comment but I would have had to scroll back up past the photos again to get to the comment link. Yuck.
You shouldn't apologize for not letting someone know you read their blog. Reading should be for enjoyment not something that feels like WORK.
OMG. If I ever find that blog, I'm hunting down that person and calling the cops. Animal cruelty can be a felony in Texas now, you know.
I'm horrified just reading the post!
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