All boxed

I’m suffering from another bout of severe depression. I’ve been taking my meds per doctor’s orders, yet every once in a while I find myself stuck in a vortex of emotion and I feel detached from anything and everything. These words merely touch the tip of how I really feel. Imagine you are inside a flexible clear box. The box moves when you move. Everything outside the box is normal but you inside the box are nothing but a mass of hormones on LSD. If I try to talk to people I end up crying. Not from something said but for no apparent reason. Mentally or physically I feel ill equipped to handle even the smallest of tasks. During these phases, my past is way too painful to ponder, my future is nonexistent and my present is so intolerable that I simply unplug.

At any rate, these dark episodes never last and I eventually regain my equilibrium. The only reason I share this with anyone is not for pity but to let you know that I haven’t given up blogging, I’m waiting till I’m not so…scattered (*cough* nuts).

Actually, there’s nothing really new in my life to write about. My sister is still in her own world, not willing to deal with problems let alone her husbands. Her diet pill addiction has ceased (for the moment) but her shopping addiction is in full swing. I can’t believe she actually thinks my husband and I don’t notice her hiding shopping bags or that we don’t notice all the new stuff that suddenly appears around the house. ACK.

My BIL is still in denial about his misdeeds and the consequences that have sprung from said misdeeds. His court hearing led to nothing as yet, the evidence against him is being investigated. There is a discrepancy on the part of the prosecutors which in reality is the truth but it still doesn’t negate the fact that he committed a crime. In the beginning, I used to be angry at him for what he’s done to my sister, himself and others but now I just feel sorry for him. I try not to judge him…I’ve made horrible mistakes too. I’m no better than him but I don’t lie about my sins and act like I’m just a sad little puppy that’s lost his way. At least, since all the legal matters are being resolved he hasn’t indulged in his addiction. Or should I say one of his addictions.

My husband is faring okay but still in the agonizing throes of changing his eating habits. Praise the Lord he still has his job. It is hard to believe he has contracted with this company for almost two years. We are very blessed.

I’ll return with more news later. :-)