What you tried to say to me

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Home is a Honda CR-V

Back. Time has sped by and my life is still the same. After four years of living with my sister I've run the gamut of my illnesses, my husband has been laid off (Thanksgiving of 2008) and we are now back...living in our car. My sister and BIL deemed us unworthy as roommates due to our lack of funds and inability to pay rent. What a swell family.

My mental health has spiraled downward and I'm now addicted to cutting. I'm on many medications for depression and what not but the power of cutting is intoxicating.

Changing the subject. Hubby and I spend our days looking for places to park, find places to shower and obtain internet access so that he can look for jobs. I desire the internet access to feed my other obsession which is all things, "Twilight". I'm also addicted to Robert Pattinson and I know that makes me a 48 year old cougar but you have to be nuts if you think I care. Living is so hard. Give me fantasy, good dreams (if I can sleep) and anything to take away the pain of a broken heart caused by the evil done by my family.


At 3:31 PM, Blogger Corry said...

Hey girl,
Sorry to hear all this, but cutting is no solution. Prayers are and I will remember you in mine.

I don't know if your husband has applied for mediacom. They are constantly hiring and have great benefits. Just a suggestion. I pray y'all will be out of the slumps soon.


God's Grace.

At 9:45 AM, Blogger Maryrose said...

Ah dear Corry!

I leave the world of blogging for a few years and the first day I post you are there to greet me. May God bless you!!

I'm not the same. I've become so jaded. I can see, feel and touch His blessings...its just the rest of my life has been taken away from me slowly and so rudely. I don't compare myself to our Biblical Job but to explain my life I reference Job's losses to illustrate my own.

I don't want to live in this world. It's ugly, cold, evil and sad but I can't take my life as it was a gift from God. Fighting to stay here on Earth has caused my heart to shred and my psyche is so unbalanced. I have to work so hard to carry out a normal day to day that others achieve with ease. I'm fighting the suicidal thoughts, the madness the permeates my thoughts and a depression so deep I can't see the light.

Wait, this is too long. I just wanted to say that I love you and am humbled and grateful for your prayers and sisterhood in Christ. I never thought that I would get a response from my recent blog entry. How do people NOT believe in God when things of this nature happen. It boggles my mind.

Simply put...Thank you!

At 3:28 PM, Blogger Corry said...

Dear sister,
I understand what you mean and all I can say and point out is, that God blessed Job abundantly. Hang in there, God knows all about it. It will change for the best, in His time.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. If ever you need to talk, I am here.

God's Grace.

At 12:50 AM, Blogger Pia said...

maryrose, (((HUGS))).

i know the pain. believe me i do. BUT, don't lose hope. look to Jesus. He has been my strength all these years. i have a lot on my shoulders now that's why i can say i know your pain. i will be praying for you, maryrose. i believe that God will deliver you from all of these heartaches and pain. God will provide for your needs. that i believe with all my heart. wish i could be there to give you a big hug.

btw, i have a new web addy. please go to www.piasjournal.com. i no longer post anything personal in my old blog. but i do in here.

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