What you tried to say to me

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Limbo of hell

I sat in the broken down chair, one hand held a large hand filled with pills the other hand a bottle of water. As if in slow motion the left hand slowly drew closer to my mouth. Closer. Closer still. My hand so close I could smell the bitter odor of the pills. My lips parted. I felt such joy, such power and the end to my pain was only an inch from my mouth.

Why the fuck did I stop? Why did I put those pills of mercy back in the bottle? I have no one. I get sympathy and people that claim they "know" but they don't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If they could feel my pain for one second I think they would die instantly.

And for heavens sake don't pity me. I'm not to be pitied. I don't want anyone to care, I don't want anyone comforting me. I just want the pain to stop.

11 Comments:

At 5:53 PM, Blogger Mrs. Darling said...

Love you! Im glad you didnt take those pills. I do pray things get better for you. I really dont know what to say. I just wnat you to know that I care.

 
At 7:12 PM, Blogger Corry said...

What mrs. Darling said!
Sorry, but you can't make me stop caring. I wish I could take your pain, but I can't. God can, though! I love you and I pray for you.

God's Grace.

 
At 1:55 AM, Blogger Pia said...

i care about you, mary rose. God loves you. we love you. i may not feel your pain but God does. i pray that God will comfort you.

 
At 11:06 AM, Blogger Jill said...

One day at a time, Dear. It may not get better but you can get stronger. We need you. God Bless.

 
At 1:00 PM, Blogger jennyonthespot said...

Just like they said... God's grace for your spirit...

 
At 9:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

don't you dare leave me!!!!!!!!
get mad but don't check out. you know what my feelings are for you and they have never been false. we have been through too much together for it to end like that.
you know i love you and always will
kay-ron

 
At 3:07 AM, Blogger Pia said...

hi, mary rose! hope you had a merry christmas. (((HUGS)))

 
At 4:35 AM, Blogger Pia said...

happy valentine's day, mary rose! =D

 
At 12:00 PM, Blogger jennyonthespot said...

HI Mary Rose... just thinking of you... checking in... hoping to hear things are looking brighter, or anything

{hugs}

 
At 1:52 AM, Blogger Pia said...

hi. thought of you, mary rose. ♥

 
At 4:00 PM, Blogger Hapi said...

hello... hapi blogging... have a nice day! just visiting here....

 

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