What you tried to say to me

Friday, June 22, 2007

A return

Isn't this an odd feeling? I've been away so long...I don't feel like I belong. I've let a lot of people down and I'm sorry about that. I just needed a change. One day I sat down and skimmed over all my posts and realized that the current theme was one of negativity and lack of change.

Sad to say, nothing in my life has changed. I'm still living with my sister, I'm still sick and money is always a problem.

I found an interesting group of people with a different focus than mine and have been spending time chatting with them on a message board. It was fun for awhile. I got away from all my problems and "met" some truly awesome people. But the same thing is happening there that happened here. I get to a point where everyone is moving on with their lives yet I'm still stuck in this quirky limbo.

What to do, what to do. I don't see a future for me. How is my life ever going to be lived if I can't participate? I guess this needs to be my focus. Growth, change and all that philosophical stuff sounds wonderful in theory but when you have a crippling illness...change is attitude only. I don't want to be sunshine and sweetness any more. I don't want to be the kind loving person that forgives and sits back and watches life pass her by. I want to be angry. I want to say my honest thoughts instead of politically correct crap.

They shoot horses don't they?


At 5:53 AM, Blogger Corry said...

You are a unique person and loved and precious in God's eyes and in the eyes of many others as well. :-)
God has a purpose for you and I have no doubt that inspite of your illness, He will/is opening doors. I totally understand your anger and the discouragement but here is where faith comes in. Do you let anger and negativity or hope, love and faith rule your life? You get to choose and what your ripple is, because it does effect the lives of all those you interact with and also is either a good or a bad testimony. No one said it was going to be easy! Try to keep building your treasures in heaven, Marie-Rose. That life lasts forever! :-)

Praying for you, girl.

God's Grace.

At 3:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

maryrose, just be yourself. God loves you and don't ever forget that. we love you too. corry's right. no one said it's going to be easy but just keep going. (((HUGS)))

At 8:28 AM, Blogger Jill said...

I'm glad to see you back! I don't think there is any harm in having a few good rants! I feel that way a lot. I just keep saying to myself "It will get better". Sooner or later it will. Like the kid who fell into a vat of horseshit said, "with all this shit, ther's gotta be a pony here somewhere. I'll just keep digging". Many hugs!!


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