Happy New Year all!
Must I resort to begging? I have TEN gmail invites and I was hoping to give them away but sadly there are no takers.
Thanks everyone for the uplifting “Happy Birthday” emails!
You say it's your birthday
I never expect to receive an apology from my sister for anything or everything she has done to me and I can’t say if I would trust her spoken words…ever. Do you see all the pigs taking flight today? I’m in shock, utter shock. My sister told me she was sorry for lying to me about an incident that happened a couple of years ago. I don’t know how to handle her apology, or if I should believe in it. She cries all the time because her husband lies to her but she lies to him just as much, and to every family member or friend. Her lies far out weigh her truths. The sad part of all this is she is so deep into all her lies that she thinks she is telling the truth. Her make-believe world inside her head is set up to excuse all her actions, so I’m confused. Am I dying and she wants to atone for her sins towards me? Or is she about to launch a major attack against me? It’s a shame that I can’t just accept her act of contrition, forgive her and move on. When dealing with my family members everything said or requested is suspect. Usually, there is a hidden, not-so-nice motive behind all conversation.
I’m second guessing my depression diagnosis. Maybe I’m ignorant but after taking my anti-depressant medicine I thought my depression would become less extreme, more middle of the road. Instead, I’m having four to five “bad” days and rarely more than two dealable days in a week. Is this normal? Could there be something more at play? All I know is that this depression is sucking the life out of me. As you can tell this is one of my bad days. I am so much more than this. I have heart and soul filled with love and I want to spread joy where ever I go but I can’t shake the sadness.
Hubby is away visiting his ill father. I'm so happy his brother forked over the money to pay for the plane ticket. It was an unexpected blessing. I'm very lonely without hubby but he desperately needed to visit his father before it's too late. Talking to him on the phone today left me in tears. He sounded so sad, and I wasn’t there to console him, if that’s possible. Hubby has never witnessed the ravages of a terminal illness and even though he tried to prepare himself it was a shock for him to see his once vibrant father so close to death and unable to communicate. Then, all my memories of my mother’s battle with cancer (and her passing) smacked me firmly in the face. After so many years have gone by the memories still have the power to knock me to my knees.
Not sure if any one is still interested, but I have 2 gmail invitations left. Email me or leave a comment and they are yours.
Something is wrong with me and I haven't got the courage (or money) to find out what's wrong. Aside from my usual illnesses I now have extreme pain in my left foot, absolutely no energy and frankly no desire to do anything. Getting up from a chair to walk to my bedroom tires me out. My hands and feet keep going numb. I have this strange gut feeling that something is seriously wrong. Everything that used to bring me joy or excites me only leaves me longing for my old life when I wasn't so freaking sick. It feels like every time the clock ticks my life and energy are being drained from my body. I know I shouldn't look online for a diagnosis but I did and I can't believe what my symptoms indicate...congestive heart failure or other terminal pulmonary diseases. I'm so upset. I'm so tired, it’s so hard to breathe and I’m so very tired of trying to cough up the mucous that’s stuck in my lungs. It takes me all day to work up some energy to just do one load of dishes. And I’m so f**king mad that my sister makes me do the dishes everyday and most days I don’t even dirty any dishes. She does nothing around the house but sleep all day, go out shopping and put her child to bed at night. I’ve got to stop. I’m tired of the same old crap and I’m just too tired to think about it anymore.
I am an ending or beginning person…DO NOT PUT ME IN THE MIDDLE. Especially when you fight over your pathetic addictions.
I've noticed for years that I'm a bit odd and what's worse I see things...weird things. Every time I look at a digital clock, whether it's my alarm clock, the microwave oven clock, the coffee maker clock or stove clock I see the time in triplicate. Such as, 1:11, 5:55, 2:22 or even 12:12 and 10:10. This happens almost every time I look at a digital clock. Not just 50% of the time but almost 99% of the time. I’m a freak.
Hubby's Dad is still hanging on. I'm having a panic attack just writing about the situation. I want him not to suffer and I want him to recover but it's not my call and it's not my story.
Even though I was basically abused most of my childhood, somehow I kept optimistic. I woke up every morning with a smile and a hope for a new beginning. I wasn’t Miss Merry Sunshine but I always had hope…