No more mr. nice guy
The difference between me and my sister/BIL is, they do things for what they can get or because it’s a duty. By duty I mean, they will only help someone if they are being “watched” by society. I on the other hand, do things for love. If my sister is crying, I cry with her and soothe her and try to take care of her problem never wanting anything in return. Her happiness means something to me. Call me a sucker but I genuinely love people and care with a depth that my sister can never match. I’m not trying to sound perfect or superior (believe me I’m not) it’s just a truth that I had to learn the hard way.
My life is not so sad or difficult that I warrant kid gloves but dammit, I was just told by a physician that I have a large undiagnosed mass showing up on my chest x-ray. I haven’t been well for two years and I was diagnosed with severe chronic depression recently. Not to mention, I have two other major diseases I’m struggling with. No matter how I’m feeling I’m ALWAYS there for my sister if she needs moral support. I have a level of respect for her because she is a human being and she lives with a drug addict and she herself is struggling with a drug dependency also. I give her respect because she let my husband and I live with her for over a year now. I simply love her. She is my sister and even though she’s treated me like I’m an after-thought, I’ll still love her because love doesn’t stop, but my ability to tolerate her disrespect will keep me from being her friend.
Since yesterday afternoon I haven’t spoken to her. I’ve been hiding out in my room with my poor husband getting me sustenance or other needs. A year and a half of them (sister, BIL and niece) treating me like a poor relation, giving me absolutely no respect and feeding my father lies about my husband and I has broken my spirit. What tipped the scales was so trivial and petty that I just lost it. Apparently, my sister’s electric bill for the last two months was a bit over three-hundred dollars (There home is in desperate need of new windows and a lot of other repairs). They don’t like spending money on anyone but themselves and since they are willing to live in a home where the temperature is next to boiling (we live in
This is where my sin comes into play. In the last three months there have been four occasions where I’ve turned the A/C down a degree while my sister and BIL have gone out for more than three hours. I know it’s not my home and I feel pretty rotten that I even meddled with the gauge but I do pay them money for the electric bill so I figure at least I’m not taking food out of their mouths (If that could ever happen with all the money they have).
Yesterday afternoon I happened to walk down the hallway to check on my sweet demon child kitty and what do I find on the thermostat, a huge plastic lock-box covering the whole thermostat so without a key you can’t adjust the temp. I felt my body burning with a rage that I’ve never experienced. I walked towards the living room and confronted my sister and she said that her husband was tired of large electric bills and that he thinks “someone” is secretly messing around with the thermostat. And, he decided to up the temperature another degree just to ensure no more whopper electric bills. I noticed my sister kept using my BIL as the scapegoat during the conversation which adds more fuel to my anger.
I am a lot of things, and I’ll admit I have changed the temperature (one freaking degree) on four occasions but the lack of respect I’ve suffered at the hands of blood related family members has hit the limit. I’m so mad I haven’t been able to even speak to my sister. I’ve been standing on my feet, breathing like an asthmatic patient, suffering severe chest pains to do HER families dishes every single f**king day, watching her dog, giving her awesome advice about her child and her husbands drug addiction, listening to her whine every hour on the hour, suffering through the heat…and so much more and they disrespect me like this, calling me a liar and a cheat. Guess what, I’m not doing the dishes any more. I’m not ever coming out of this room unless they are all asleep!
The icing on the cake is, if they would have taken the money we gave them every month plus all the money my sister spends on ridiculous knick-knacks (she has no place to even hang or put the crap) from eBay and loaned the money to us we could have been able to move out months ago. I can’t believe my own sister would charge me rent and ask me to pay for things for them. I was living with blinders, too desperate for love to see what was right in front of me. MY FAMILY DOESN’T LOVE ME NOR DO THEY RESPECT ME. The kicker is that I would have moved out yesterday and gone to a corporate housing type hotel but all my medical bills have dwindled my savings. I am stuck. I know this is no answer but I’m calling my doctor and asking if I can up my anti-depressant medication because I don’t/won’t/can’t live with this broken heart.
posted by Maryrose @ 1:13 PM
5 Comments:
mary rose, i understand perfectly what you're going through. somehow, i'm experiencing the same thing. though i have my own place to live, i'm currently living with my mom and dad "to keep me company" while my husband is in the states working. we argue in a lot of different things and it makes me feel "heavy". though it's not really about respect and love as yours, it doesn't make it any easier to live by everyday. my medical bills have taken much of my savings too. i know the frustrations that comes along with it.
lift it up to God. prayers have kept me sane.
God bless!
I have been through similar with my parents when we stayed with them a few years ago. The best thing we did was move out and live on the floor of friends houses, even though we had a 1 y.o. at the time. Our friends didn't charge us, so we could eventually afford a deposit and get our own place.
Friends are the modern worlds family.
Wishing you all the best in finding a way out.
Maryrose, this may be of little consolation right now, but all of this is just temporary. God knows all you are going through and He will reward you accordingly. Try to keep the faith, He hears the cries of anguish coming from your heart.
My prayers are with you.
God's Grace.
When I read this I had to think of you and what you are going through. Sorry that it is so lenghty, but it was too good to pass up and I hope it will give you some encouragement:-)
God's Grace,
Corry.
A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.
Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?"
"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft.
The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.
Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity .. boiling water. Each reacted differently.
The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.
The egg had been fragile. It's thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
"Which are you?" she asked her daughter.
"When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"
Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
So sorry Mary Rose. I hope you can get out of there soon.
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