Shame and Anger

I wasn’t going to write this post, but I need to. I need a place to go to let out the negative so I can use my mouth for only positive.

The situation is this, I’m angry. The kind of anger that causes physical reactions in my body making me feel white hot. I won’t get into the particulars, suffice it to say, I am angry and when I get out of this house I don’t believe I will ever be able to have a relationship with my sister and BIL. I’m fighting for my life (spiritual sense) and when I’m with them I begin to fall away from my beliefs and sink down to their level. I’m so angry at them that I want to GET them in trouble legally (and I could), I want them to suffer as I have, and I want them to pay for how hurtful they have been to my husband and I. My heart is usually so loving and gentle but the fury I feel is so strong. Even in my worst moments no one has made me feel as badly as my sister and BIL, wait, and my father too.

The essence of my anger this evening is that I just yelled at my niece in such a cold manner and her behavior was mainly due to her upbringing and her parent’s inability to take time out of their neuroses to raise her correctly. I hurt an eleven year old child’s feelings and I am so ashamed.

I never want to feel this way again but most of all I never want to hurt my niece again.