No time to proof, sorry for any mistakes

I am in a mood today and I’m not sure what’s causing this mood swing. Usually, my days are filled with a mixture of depression, sadness and bits of hope. Today…I’m just so angry. Yes, being in constant pain is part of my anger but there is a rage deep inside that is heating to a boil. I don’t want to be diplomatic with the people around me. I don’t want to make small talk or exchange pleasantries. I want to scream at everyone around me that they are all fools.

To my sister: Don’t look at me with that ridiculous expression and ask me why your daughter is so spoiled and why she NEVER does what she is told. For twelve years you’ve never made her mind and you can’t expect her to just suddenly develop into a responsible, accountable, willing to take orders kind of child. Also, don’t call your daughter a “bitch” when she is demanding and surly during the morning ritual of getting ready for school. Calling your daughter a bitch is inappropriate and just ugly.

And for goodness sake, don’t come to me digging for information concerning your husband’s latest depression. You’ve alienated him to the point that I wouldn’t be surprised if he asks you for a divorce.

Last but not least, don’t you dare act like you are the martyred saint in our dysfunctional household and that you can’t take the living situation anymore when my husband is paying your house payment every month because your husband, for what ever reasons, can’t/won’t find a job. The arrangement we have now is mutually beneficial but even more so for you because it keeps you from losing your retirement savings. Our dad may be falling for your sob story but then he’s been lied to so much by you he wouldn’t know the truth if it knocked him upside the head.

To my BIL: It took you long enough to see the mess you made of your marriage and your life. It took you long enough to see my sister for the person she really is. Payback is such a harsh lesson. When you purposely set out to destroy my relationship with my own father karma tends to eventually creep up and wreak havoc on you.

And just because you are going through a “tough” time and you finally realize what me and my husband went through for years (and without family to fall back on) don’t act like you are sorry for me. Don’t act like we have somehow bonded over life’s hardships because my husband didn’t ask to be laid off from his job while you were fired for criminal behavior. I didn’t ask to get a disease that is draining my life slowly, painfully and financially. The difference between you and I is huge. You are such a wimp. Get up, grow up and take charge. You had everything…and you lost it all because you couldn’t stay on the wagon. Don’t get me wrong, I understand addiction but don’t you ever compare your situation to mine.

Thank you blog/Internet for letting me vent so as not to start a major war with my family.

Update:

Unfortunately, I’m still raging inside. I’ve kept such a tight lid on my anger for so many years. I don’t know if I can manage my anger in a constructive way, if that’s possible but venting what’s in my heart onto my blog might be my way to cope while doing the least damage.

Caffeine driven- Something about your words had a major calming effect on me. Like a cool breeze on an extremely hot muggy day. Thank you!

Corry- I appreciate (beyond words) your prayer for me. Directly after reading your comment I felt God’s guiding touch, as if warning me not to drown in my anger and to be prudent with how I handle myself.

Dawn Marie- In response to your query, “I hope this helps”, indeed it does! Your loyalty to me is something I don’t deserve and can’t fathom. What ever the reason I cherish all your comments and I take them all to heart.

Thank you all for your comments!