Regressing

What does it mean when you can find me watching “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (for the umpteenth time)? What does it mean when I feel so freaked out that my right cheek tingles and every fiber in my being screams RUN, LEAVE OR GET OUT? What does it mean…I don’t know! For some reason I’m terrified and feel as though I have no safe place to find refuge or to recharge.

I’ve had a migraine off and on for the past three days. I’m sorry but I’m not being completely honest. At this very minute I’m trying to cope with yet another stressful situation. I don’t know how much more I can take.

Go to sleep, wake up, day after day starting the process over and over again but meanwhile the fear and pain remain. I don’t want to be the proverbial wimpy woman that cries hysterically when disaster strikes but I think I am. My father said that I am a selfish, candy-ass that refuses to live outside my comfort zone. He can’t be right; I don’t have a comfort zone anymore. I moved past comfort zone years ago. Everyday I find myself facing new and old obstacles and I try with all my might to make it through the day with grace, kindness and some sense of strength. Is this a sign of a weak person? Have I been blessed with so much and thrown it away in a juvenile tantrum while raging at life’s unfairness? I question everything. I thought I knew right from wrong but maybe my perception is skewed.

I need to stop this rambling; I’m even making my self sick with my inadequacies.