Bottom Line
How do you find a GOOD counselor? One that doesn’t charge a fortune or even might see a patient for free?
I’ve got issues. Every abuse or tragic incident that has befallen me has been molded into titanium strength bricks and each “brick of tragedy” is laying one on top of the other walling me into a pit. Like Fortunato in Poe’s, “The Cask of Amontillado” each tier of building stone and mortar that surrounds me is slowly killing me. I’m lost. I’ve tried everything in my arsenal of weapons to fight this hidden killer that’s robbing me of life. I am so wretchedly haunted. I don’t know why I can’t get past all my sorrows and move on with my life. “GET OVER IT!” is what my family tells me. I even tell myself the same but an unseen force is crushing me. The weight is unbearable.
I don’t want pity, I don’t want life to be easy nor do I want someone to take care of me as my sister wishes for her life. I just want an equal balance of good days and bad days. My quest for the coming days is to find either counseling or the tools to finally put my past to rest and learn to live in the present.
Note: To all my readers, I apologize from the bottom of my heart for my lack of correspondence. I do care about you all and I’ve been reading your blogs. I try to write but my thoughts are so extreme, so sad.
posted by Maryrose @ 1:55 AM
3 Comments:
I hear you. I don't know how to find a good counselor except just keep trying. Our health insurance sucks and doesn't adequately cover therapists so I'm looking too. :P
Your call for help is clear, and your description of your demise is heartbreaking. I sincerely hope you find someone who sees and feels as you do, but who has overcome that weight.
Have you ever read any Pema Chodron? She is wonderful at balancing compassion with tough love and advice. Some books are: comfortable with Uncertainty, The Places that Scare you, Start Where you Are, When Things Fall Apart.
Good luck
MaryRose, I'm not sure but you might check with the local State Health Department there where you're living. I bet they have some phone numbers that they share with you. You might also try asking your primary care physician to refer you to someone. I've gone for counseling before and it was my regular doctor who referred me. From those small community clinic counselors I first had contact with, one of them referred me to a wonderful therapist in a nearby town.
Just start asking around, making phone calls. It may take a few trial and errors to find someone you like, but I'm glad to read that you're ready to take that very important step! *big hugs* girlie...hang in there :))
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