Thoughts

In a nutshell.

I started a new anti-depressant two weeks ago because my doctor didn’t have more samples of the brand I was taking. The last two weeks have been a nightmare. My blood pressure shot up and it felt like my head was about to explode when I bent over or had a BM (stop laughing…okay go ahead). But the most serious side effect has me so shook up that I am afraid of being alone. I’m actually crying as I write this…I’ve been having crystal clear thoughts of killing myself…with a gun…pointed at my temple. The sickest part of all this is that I was enjoying the thought of a gun to my head. Two nights ago I was taking out a sample package of the new anti-depressants from the little box it came in and out fell the enclosure. I was about to throw it away but something nudged me to read it. In big bold letters was written: Can increase blood pressure and suicidal thoughts. Call physician immediately if these occur.

I stopped the medicine but was unable to contact my doctor as he is out of the office till Friday. I haven’t been able to sleep for a couple of days. It’s after 5am in the morning and I’m very tired. I’m afraid if I take a nap I’ll wake up too late to call the doctor but I doubt if I’ll be able to stay awake much longer.

I don’t understand how or why they give out medicine to patients with depression that can CAUSE suicidal thoughts. WTF is that all about. I feel anger, sadness and betrayal.

I will update as soon as I know anything about anything.

UPDATE:

I finally got a hold of my doctor and luckily he got in more samples of the medicine I was originally taking. I'm set.