Me

Blogging has been a great outlet for me. The ability to vent or “speak” my mind is a kind of freedom I’ve never felt before. Yet, I still hold back my deepest thoughts because I’m embarrassed or afraid of what people might think of me.

No more.

I’m fed up with my life and all my oppressors…namely myself. I’m that stereotypical person that has lived their life trying to please everyone around me because I don’t feel good enough about myself or I feel like I don’t deserve respect. Hell, I don’t even know who I am. I had an epiphany last night. I have no clue what I want for my life and my life is almost half over. I don’t know if blue is really my favorite color or did I pick this shade because it was popular at the time. I’ve buried ME so deep into an abyss that when I wake up in the morning I don’t know what to do or if I even want to be alive.

How do I find myself? Ugh…that sounds so freaking cliché but it’s my truth. I have so much anger inside me. Anger at the bastard that molested me when I was four, anger at my father for his verbal and emotional abuse, anger that my family treats me like I’m a disease, and most of all I have such suffocating sadness that the one shining light in my life, my mother, was taken from me by cancer when I was twenty-four.

I’m spent. Honesty is tiring.