Blame game

My husband is lying in bed sleeping (hopefully) and I’m in a state of panic. He came home from work with what I call the “face”, the face that tells me that he is overwhelmed or worried. I questioned him but got the usual, “Everything is fine honey, don’t worry.” Later, I was able to drag the truth from him (with some strong coaxing) and this is what is involved:

1. Work has become a stress-cooker with major deadlines coming up and he was told no overtime but get the work done.
2. Our brakes are out.
3. We need new struts
4. He is experiencing shooting pains up and down his arms with tingly, numbing fingers.

Before I worked this info from him I told him about the conversation my sister and I had earlier, which basically boiled down to her blaming my husband and I for her husbands drug addiction.

“Doesn’t it always seem like he (BIL) falls off the wagon when you all are living with us?”

The crap that my hubby and I get blamed for is astounding. Needless to say, I relay the disturbing conversation to my husband not knowing how stressed he is and an hour later he comes to me worried because his blood pressure is up to 145/100. I’m no doctor but I realize this is high. I immediately got in contact with a friend that is not a doctor but still very knowledgeable in medical matters. I get my husband to lie down, elevate his legs and talk very soothing to him about inane non-stressful things. Hoping to alleviate his worry, I tell him that our learned friend feels his symptoms are not common, that most strokes or heart attacks involve only one arm with pain not both. At this point he tells me he is tired and I leave to let him sleep. I’ve been checking him almost every twenty minutes because I’m losing my mind with worry. Right now he is snoring and somehow this is comforting.

I’m so angry with myself (for dumping my worries onto his already burdened shoulders) and angry at my sister and BIL for being such pathetic ingrates. My husband just buried his father a short time ago and with all the crap from work and my family, not to mention my illness, he’s had enough.

We have some money saved to help buy a travel trailer but now I’m wondering if we should move into one of those corporate housing places just to get away from the insanity. The whole purpose of staying with my sister is to save up to buy a travel trailer, never pay rent again and not live in fear of being kicked out of my sister’s house. The money we have saved would allow us about three or four months at the corporate housing but then what? Pro’s and con’s abound but no real answers. I’m just going to ask God for strength to make it through the hardship. Oh, lest I forget, I should rephrase the word “hardship” as my father claims I don’t know what real hardship is.