Rumination
Among the other changes going on in my life, I’m taking an inventory of my mental issues (sweeping up the brain dust-bunnies) hoping to cure what ails me. The process so far is about as comfortable as letting go my grip from the edge of a cliff with a rocky bottom thousands of feet below.
One of the biggest challenges for me is integrating my opposite personas. I have a very strong innate propensity to survive…to live. This conflicts with my deep desire to move on to the next realm (Heaven) to be with God and away from all that is evil.
Fear of failure and an extreme loneliness has me bound. I feel so alone most days even with a house full of people. My specific maladies are so isolating and I can’t seem to relate to anyone. None of this probably makes any sense and as I write each word I feel childish bordering on guilt. I was given so much at birth and yet I’m crippled by the evil wrought on me as a little girl. “Just let it go” or “Get over it” hasn’t worked for me. Something has taken up residence in my head and I’m so sad. I search frantically for people to love me and understand me and I feel like such an alien. My only relief is my faith.
When will I ever be comfortable being me?
posted by Maryrose @ 1:42 AM
4 Comments:
Sorry girl, this may sound harsh but try to consider it:
The only way you will feel comfortable with you, is when you let go of the importance you place on what other people think of you and/or their acceptance of you. When you place more value on God's acceptance and what He thinks of you and you know you are living according to His Word.
The feeling of lonelyness may be resolved then too. God is always with you:-)
Praying for you!
God's Grace.
Give up wishing for anything but Gods love,that's all you need.
Desires are the cause of your blues whether or not they are obvious to you.The lack of desire is the key to enlightment.Love yourself,for if you are good enough for His love,then you are worthy.
One who knows!
the only time you will be comfortable with yourself is when you become secure in knowing who you are in Christ. people will fail you but not Him so try to focus on Him. you'll get peace from trusting Him.
praying for you.
I "hear" all your words and I thank you for taking the time to reach out to me.
I have a long road ahead of me and with God's love and all you wonderful friends I feel stronger, more able to face the truth.
Keep the advice coming, I need all the help I can get. ;-)
Post a Comment
<< Home