Limbo of hell

I sat in the broken down chair, one hand held a large hand filled with pills the other hand a bottle of water. As if in slow motion the left hand slowly drew closer to my mouth. Closer. Closer still. My hand so close I could smell the bitter odor of the pills. My lips parted. I felt such joy, such power and the end to my pain was only an inch from my mouth.

Why the fuck did I stop? Why did I put those pills of mercy back in the bottle? I have no one. I get sympathy and people that claim they "know" but they don't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If they could feel my pain for one second I think they would die instantly.

And for heavens sake don't pity me. I'm not to be pitied. I don't want anyone to care, I don't want anyone comforting me. I just want the pain to stop.