One or the other but never both

It took me a long time to finally marry. I wanted marriage and I imagined mine would be a great thing. One of the reason's I waited was because after watching my parent's marriage (not pretty) I was afraid of making the same mistake. Another reason and perhaps the most important was I wanted to find someone like me. A person that REALLY understood me and loved me still. I came close to this person. We were great friends and there was a bond that only one thing could break. And that was the fact that she was a she. I am not attracted to females and sex and intimacy is something I could not live without. So I feel I've lost out in away. I gave up the deep spiritual friendship for the sex. I love my husband but I feel that I have settled.