Unraveling the mystery of me

My life is full...full of crap. I've decided to limit my posts so as not to overwhelm my readers (if there are any) with the sheer madness of my existence. The tiny peek I give you today concerns my relationship with my sister, her husband and their young daughter. You see, I have lived my entire life without the aid of anti-depressants. I don't drink alcohol socially or at home and I don't take illegal drugs. BUT, after living only three months with my sister and her family (my husband and I are financially strapped which is a major understatement) I have been prescribed a high dosage of anti-depressants and Xanax for panic attacks. My family members, all of them not just my sister, are the type of people that bow to the shrine of the all mighty dollar. Don't get me wrong, I love them all in a Christian sense but if I were not related to them I would not associate with them. That sounds so harsh and it hurts to think it let alone write it but they can be so awful sometimes.

Getting back to what I initially wanted to write. I just had another panic attack because the sis and hubby are fighting again. Not physical fighting, but the kind that involves me. They drag me into everything and want me to side with each other. Underneath the daily mental wars are real problems that neither one wants to face. Both have legitimate concerns about the other but no compromise is taking place. To top it off both have addictions and these addictions are keeping them from the root problem, which I believe is their marriage isn't working.

After all the daily drama, and the fact that I have a huge load of baggage that I haven't been able to deal with I'm a basket case. So, until I am able to pay for a psychiatrist to help me take care of said baggage or money to move out I feel like I'm struggling for air. I'm shaking even as I write, and even though I know my family has wounded me deeply I still feel guilty that I put them in a bad light.

I want to thank a blogger named Froggie. I read that she started blogging in part to help with her depression and because of her I've decided to give it a try. She is a wonderful young woman with a full life and many interesting postings.

You don't know me but THANK YOU for giving me the courage to start this blog!